How to create a holiday season that feels like you

Written by Pritika Gonsalves, Psychoeducation and Group Development Specialist at Felicity Counseling Services

The holidays can look different—and still feel meaningful

The holiday season is often shown as a time when everyone comes together with their family. But real life does not look the same for everyone. Some 2SLGBTQIA+ people feel welcomed by their family of origin. Others may feel unsure, left out, or unable to be fully themselves around certain relatives. Some people are still deciding what feels safe to share. Others may simply want to celebrate in a different way.

This is where the idea of chosen family can matter. A chosen family is made up of people we build close, caring relationships with. They may be friends, partners, mentors, neighbours, community members, or relatives who support us. Chosen family does not have to replace family of origin. It can add more care, connection, and belonging to our lives.

Research also helps explain why these connections matter. A 2026 review of 25 studies described how chosen families can offer emotional, social, cultural, and practical support to queer and trans people, including a sense of safety and belonging. Read the research review.

You do not need to follow one perfect holiday plan. You can keep traditions, change them, create new ones, or choose not to celebrate in a traditional way. The goal is to make room for connection that feels respectful and meaningful to you.

8 ways to create holiday traditions that feel like you

1. Give yourself permission to define family

Family can mean different things to different people. It may include parents and siblings, close friends, a partner, supportive relatives, or people from a 2SLGBTQIA+ community. You do not have to explain or defend the people who matter to you. Try asking yourself: “Who helps me feel safe, respected, and able to be myself?”

2. Notice which traditions feel good—and which do not

Some traditions may bring comfort. Others may feel stressful because they involve pressure, painful memories, or people who do not respect your identity. You can keep the parts you enjoy and change the parts that no longer work. For example, you might keep a favourite meal but celebrate it with friends instead of attending a gathering where you feel unwelcome.

3. Start with one small new tradition

A new tradition does not need to be expensive or complicated. You could have a shared breakfast, watch a favourite film, decorate a small space, exchange handwritten notes, play games online, or take a walk together. Repeating a simple activity can make it feel special over time.

4. Make room for every person’s identity

A welcoming celebration is one where people do not have to hide important parts of themselves. Use the names and pronouns people ask you to use. Avoid making assumptions about partners, gender, clothing, or family roles. If you are hosting, you can ask guests privately what would help them feel comfortable.

5. Agree on invitations and expectations early

A clear plan can reduce last-minute stress. Share the date, time, location, food plans, and any expectations. Ask people what they would enjoy rather than assuming everyone wants the same kind of celebration. A simple message could be: “We’re planning a relaxed get-together. What would help make it comfortable and enjoyable for you?”

6. Let different people celebrate in different ways

Some people enjoy large gatherings. Others prefer a quiet meal, a short visit, an online call, or time alone. Some may not celebrate a particular holiday at all. Respecting these choices is part of making space for everyone. You can care about someone without expecting them to join every activity.

7. Plan for support, not just the celebration

Even a joyful event can bring up difficult feelings. If you are unsure how a gathering will go, arrange a check-in with someone you trust. You might agree on a text message, a call after the event, or a way to leave early. PFLAG also shares practical guidance for LGBTQ+ people and allies navigating holiday visits.

8. Make a tradition that reflects what matters to you

Choose a value you want the season to hold—such as kindness, rest, creativity, friendship, culture, or community. Then turn it into one small action. If connection matters, invite someone for tea. If rest matters, plan a quiet day. If creativity matters, make decorations together. A meaningful tradition is one that fits your life, not one that looks perfect in a photograph.

Explore PFLAG’s holiday allyship guidance for ideas on how friends and relatives can offer practical support.

A simple example: creating a chosen-family holiday

Imagine Alex wants to celebrate the end of the year but does not feel comfortable attending a large family gathering. Alex invites three close friends to share a meal. Everyone brings a dish that reminds them of home, chooses a song for a shared playlist, and writes one kind message for the group. They agree that nobody has to talk about family or explain personal choices. The gathering is simple, but it gives everyone a chance to feel included.

Your version may look completely different. It could be a video call, a community event, a quiet evening with your partner, or a day spent doing something you enjoy. There is no single correct way to create belonging.

Free resource: My Holiday, My Way

Use the free tradition-building worksheet that accompanies this article to reflect on what matters to you, identify the people you want to connect with, and plan one new tradition. You can complete it on your own or with someone you trust. You do not need to share your answers with anyone.

Get My Holiday, My Way — free four-page workbook

A gentle reminder

Chosen family can be an important source of care, but it does not remove every challenge. You may feel happy, sad, hopeful, or unsure during the same holiday season. You do not have to force yourself to feel grateful or cheerful. Take the time you need, choose the connections that feel right for you, and ask for support when you want it.

If family or holiday situations are affecting your well-being, speaking with an LGBTQIA+-affirming mental health professional or a trusted support service may help you explore your options.

Want more structured support with holiday boundaries?

The seven-page Holiday Boundary-Setting Toolkit offers LGBTQIA+-specific reflection prompts, ready-to-use scripts, gathering preparation, and a personal boundary plan. It is an optional paid resource, separate from the free workbook.

Explore the LGBTQIA+ Holiday Boundary-Setting Toolkit — $7.99 USD

Further reading and helpful resources

·        PFLAG – Going Home for the Holidays…Or Any Days

·        PFLAG – How to “Ally” for the Holidays

·        Chosen family support review (2026) – PubMed

·        LGBTQ+ chosen family, social support, and health – PubMed

About this resource: This article is for general education and reflection. It is not a substitute for individual mental health care. Each person’s family, identity, culture, and safety needs are different. Choose the options that feel appropriate for your circumstances.